Miguel O'Hara Headcannons (2024)

Originally posted by aenhanse

See Also

Miguel O'Hara Relationship Headcanons - fireheamore nsfw miguel o'hara (spider-man 2099) headcanons - mandobatemans

Specifically, how I think he would deal with the trauma of loosing his kid twice, being experimented on, and having an addiction forced onto him 🥰🥰

Written by someone who has PTSD and is always in a constant state of anxiety attacks 😎👍

Warnings: Anxiety attacks, PSTD, grieving of loved ones, nightmares

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This is written mostly in Miguel’s POV, you will see what I mean towards the end. Please keep that in mind

• It starts with nightmares. It almost always starts with nightmares.
• They first started after he lost his daughter the first time. Right before the events of him being tested on. They started off with him simply turning and seeing his daughter. Reuniting with her.
• Then they turned into reliving her dying.
• At first, Miguel didn’t leave his house. He couldn’t see kids Gabriella’s age. It hurt too much. But he had a job, so he had to
• Then, the testing started.
• The testing sent Miguel into a spiral. He hated what they did to him and it kept him up for hours upon hours. He couldn’t sleep for a week afterwards.
• His powers came with the gut wrenching feeling of not being himself anymore. He couldn’t handle his own skin, the surface didn’t feel correct. Too course. Too rough. Too sticky. He couldn’t handle the feeling of sticking to surfaces
• He would spend hours in the shower, sitting under the water. He would sit in the tub, knees pulled up to his chest as he stared at the wall. The hot water somewhat keeping him grounded as his skin felt like sandpaper against itself
• Everything was too loud. Too bright. His eating habits fluctuated from eating too much to too little
• He hated his powers. He hated what they did to him. He hated himself for how white his walls were, reminding him of the lab that they held him in
• It took Miguel four months to be able to not see the walls and tubes that haunted behind his eye lids
• Miguel broke all of his mirrors six months in.
• Lyla was an easy distraction. He knew this as he developed her more. It was the most basic coping mechanism of escaping reality
• Work on Lyla, work on the suit. Become Spider-Man. Throw yourself into a distraction. Justify your existence. Consume your whole life until the shell that you are is overflowing
• Lyla and the job made him feel better ever so slightly.
• It almost helped dull the burning of when he’s gone too long without injections.
• Almost.
• Things like that tend to fade once their use wears off, though. They always wear off. Then the memories and the flashes would come back.
• Finding out the multiverse existed felt like getting shocked with a defibrillator.
• It gave Miguel a new shock to keep going. His sleepless nights were once filled with sitting in his workshop, pouring his whole brain into creating his watch
• Another project, another mess to clean up, another distraction. This time universes relied on him.
• Miguel met the other Spiders and felt a sense of connection. They all held similar grievances, but all dealt with it differently
• Some ran. Some had therapy. Some were just unbothered.
• Miguel made sure the therapist one was readily available for everyone.
• When Miguel found out that there was a universe where he still had Gabriella, he became just as obsessed
• Whenever he wasn’t working, he would watch the universe
• When he died in that universe, he knew he was meant to go
• Replacing himself had made him feel alive and like he could actually be a person again. He had everything he needed. He had love. He could manage the Spiders from here
• He was wrong
• The world broke apart as him and he ran as fast as he could away from the breaking streets. Gabriella screamed and cried in his arms, just like before
• He could see Peter B in the distance trying to help people, but it was just as fruitless. Miguel could see them dissolve under Peter’s touch
• Miguel’s eyes widened as his daughter disappeared from his arms. He stopped in his tracks and stared at them
• Again.
• Againagainagainagainagain
• Not again.
• It took a week for Miguel to speak to the others.
• He bolted up from his sleep, screams ripping from his throat and hands shaking. He watched her die, again
• And again.
• And again.
• Again.
• Holding Mayday for the first time almost made Miguel throw up.
• Peter B didn’t know any better. But he quickly recognized his younger leadwr was struggling with holding his baby
• It took Miguel a good bit to get used to her presence
• Looking down at Miles, who was only a few years older than his daughter, he felt the twisting pain in his chest.
• He didn’t want Miles to loose his father. He genuinely didn’t. He didn’t want to think about how the other Spiders had no idea about the canon when it happened, and that Miles knowingly letting his father die would be as great as a burden on Miles as holding Gabriella in his arms as she died again
• Miguel didn’t always like what he did, but he felt like his reason was greater than everything else
• Miles not listening and putting the whole multiverse in danger had snapped something inside of him
• His brain registered the risk of it all happening again. Everyone loosing everything.
• Another father holding his daughter, someone who was never to hold his daughter as she died, as their universe destroyed itself. Whole civilizations destroyed over a single person and the weight of that world’s demise on shoulders
• For a split second, Miguel felt automated as he was suddenly back in that universe. His daughter screaming and crying in his ears. His hands flexed as his mouth moved. He’d only hold Miles for two or three days, his mouth said it to Peter B and Gwen.
• Then Miles ran. His world snapped and he couldn’t think. He didn’t bare his teeth, but his claws had come out. Contain, do not maim.
• It wasn’t until Miles had placed his hands onto Miguel’s suit and sapped the energy did he briefly realize what he was doing. The fall had Miguel scrambling.
• Then everything blurred again.